Fitting Shelves

Every bloke’s nightmare! It’s a documented fact that NEVER in the field of human conflict (marriage), has any bloke ever uttered the words…”Wouldn’t it be nice to have a shelf above the telly that I can put all my glass ornaments on”.

However, putting the thing up is the man of the house’s job. So ladies, give him two weeks, tops, to argue, prevaricate and procrastinate… then get a man in to do it!

Downlighters,

Popular little blighters aren’t they? Personally I think they are a bit over used, kitchens and bathrooms yes but kids bedrooms? I suppose they go with all the other hi tech stuff nowadays but I come from a gentler time with the biggest spotty dog in the whole world and Shirley Abicair and her zither. (I was only 5 and of course knew nothing but I did know that it wasn’t just a father’s love, which sat him down with me to watch young Shirl every Tuesday afternoon)!

Receiving your Quotation.

Sit down and catch your breath

Well now, you’ve actually been sent a quotation! Have a little sit down.

It’s more than you expected, isn’t it? This is because:-

You desperately really wanted the job to be inexpensive didn’t you!
You probably don’t have any knowledge of what the process actually entails. I’m not just talking about the building process here. There’s all the other stuff the builder has to consider.

Particularly relevant to this are today’s Health and Safety requirements. No longer can a bloke shin up your roof slope to fix a tile, off a ladder tied to the guttering. He may be required to work from scaffolding and that’s expensive!

By the way, why are you doing DIY on your day off anyway – other than failing at trying to look manly. More to the point there are idiots like us who are there to do the job – and properly. We only do it because if we don’t, people come around to our houses and repossess out beer fridges and our 100” 3D TVs. We need the money so we do daft stuff at people’s houses a”nd they pay us for it – it’s called “trickle down economics” for heaven’s sake. Banks pay you, you pay us and we pay pubs. That’s it really.

None of this by the way, will have been noticed by the brute next to you. He will have put twice as many bags as you in the back whilst also phoning his girlfriend to tell her what not to be wearing when he gets home and having a fag at the same time.

Be a man, it will all be over shortly, get in the car, drive slowly round the corner, get in the back seat, curl up, suck your thumb and sob quietly until all the horrid pain seeps slowly, very slowly, away. Think of your mummy and those lullabies she used to sing… that will help.
Be a man, it will all be over shortly, get in the car, drive slowly round the corner, get in the back seat, curl up, suck your thumb and sob quietly until all the horrid pain seeps slowly, very slowly, away. Think of your mummy and those lullabies she used to sing… that will help.

Join Norman the DIY man as he enters the manly world of the timber yard and tries to deal with the sizes, shapes and types of wood - as well as the daunting prospect of communicating with the bloke who sells the stuff.